Sunday, January 6, 2013

Fat Girl Crack

This is not juice.

And yet, it is sitting in front of me. 

I found it quite interesting that I juiced this morning, ate three crackers while dropping off my son at my mom's, and then went straight to my old stomping ground: Jack in the Crack (as we like to call it, or Crack in the Box). Only the best fast food restaurant ever created! You get a little bit of everything...for reasonable prices.

I was also astonished that no one stopped me. Not even me. I was thinking clearly too! I analyzed which side of town I should go to and remembered the other Crack in the Box is closed for remodel (OH GOODIE, IT'S CLOSER TO MY HOUSE!). I was also amazed at how few people were out on the road this time of day on a Sunday. Got to my addiction even faster!

I started out on the quest for junk food with a headache. By the time I got there, my adrenaline was flowing and my headache was nearly gone. With drink and fry in hand before even pulling around the corner from the drive-thru, I felt that pang of guilt.

Oh well! It's my lunch now!....right? I still thinking clearly? Did I mention I gobbled up an entire See's candy bar I found in my desk yesterday from the last day of school before winter break? It was dark chocolate. With almonds. It NEEDED to go in my mouth.

So now that I've sat here staring at the screen and my bag of guilt, I think I just realized what is going on here. I'm stressed out.

Am I a stress eater? When I wasn't thinking about work, I was thinking clearly. When I didn't have to worry about waking up early to get my son ready so I could go to work, I could drink a fat glass of juice and be okay for hours.

I'm only on the bottom step of my journey and I feel like I just walked through an open door.

I haven't started on that bag of guilt yet, but I think I'm going to. And it will certainly be the last visit to Crack in the Bag for a long time.

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